"Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears." ~Barbara Johnson
This is a great quote that I stumbled upon while trolling the internet today. Patience is one of my worst, worst, worst (did I say worst?) qualities. I don't 'wait' well. And by not being patient and waiting for the right thing to happen, I mash the gas pedal and usually find myself in the weeds. I think I've made some improvements in the past year or two, but I still need A LOT of work in this area. I do believe God is working specifically on it with me right now.....and, once again, I'm failing. = (
The contract for my full-time job comes up in 2 1/2 months and I have no idea if I will be re-signed. Normally there would be no question and no worry. It's the perfect gig--with great co-workers, great bosses and a great company--and the love is mutual and has been the past 6 years. We are a great fit.
Then, the economy bottomed out. Layoffs in my industry have been rampant and brutal over the past year and in the past couple of months have hit my city hard. Yesterday, the first firing was done in my building. With budget cut firings they are random and sometimes in big chunks. No matter your expertise or qualifications or pay. They just happen.
Now, I
KNOW...that what happens, happens. And I
KNOW...that God will provide no matter what does happens. And I
KNOW...that I can find a job somewhere else--maybe. And I
KNOW....that my worrying about all this stuff is not going to change what
does happen. But, if I
KNOW all these things,
why do I still have these moments when I feel like I'm going to completely blow up my transmission? I start in 1st gear "pft...they won't fire me" move into 2nd: "but what if they do?", then 3rd: "ok--if they do, I get to do something new!" and we rev up to 4th: "but you love this gig" and I'm truly flying by the time I get into 5th: "I don't wanna be fired!". Then calm settles in for a little bit and we can get the gear shift back in to 1st for a little while.
I've prayed, I've read, I've talked to friends, I've Facebooked in hopes of finding that little snippet, or quote, or passage that will calm my nerves. And they do! For about 5 minutes, then the mental car is flyin' down the racing strip again! This is where my faith is weakest and that frustrates me too 'cause I should be better at this. The first two 'knowing' statements I made above are
all I need to keep repeating to myself-- I KNOW that what happens, happens and God
will provide no matter what. This has to be my new mantra. It will have to be the sentence I repeat to myself over and over, otherwise I'm going to go crazy over these next couple of months. Here's to keepin' it between the lines.....and in a low gear.
(that gorgeous car up there is the Ford GT. Yum!)