Feeding the feelings.....

If you scan the archives of this blog, you will read about my 140 lb weight loss from a couple of years ago. I now know that keeping the weight off is just as much work as taking it off. I am an emotional eater and I have had to learn to actually feel my feelings, not eat through them. That's a lot tougher than you think if you've never really felt things before. You eat instead of cry or instead of getting mad or instead of feeling blue. Add to that that as a society, we associate food with happy things and celebrations too, so for any emotion, whether it was happy or sad, food was always involved.

The toughest thing I had to deal with while losing my weight was the mental and emotional baggage that kept me overeating. I went back to that first moment in my life when I went to food for comfort. It was when I was 7 years old and my best friend who lived across the street moved to Arkansas. We were tighter than sisters and we were always together, so when she left, I was alone....and lonely. I didn't have any other friends around the neighborhood, so where did I go? To food. (Let me make this clear--this is not about finding people to blame for your weight gain. My weight gain had nothing to do with anyone specifically, it is just how I dealt with the emotions involving others.) Anyway....the comfort that food gave me during that first emotionally traumatic event in my life was fulfilling enough apparently to lead me right back to it the next time I needed an emotional band-aid and continued for 30 years. And let me tell you, being overweight is not easy, as a kid or adult. It's not just kids who are unkind. Adults, too, even family members made jokes and comments about my weight. How did I deal with that hurt? Of course, food. There is a sad irony there....

With my 140lbs to lose, it was more than just weight that I had to get rid of. There's a lot of anger and damage there and the repairing continues. All this stuff I had to recall from my past-- I had to feel it, forgive it and then let it go--finally. It's not easy, but it had to be done. This is why a lot of people who lose weight, gain it back. They don't fix the mental along with the physical. And the fixing doesn't stop with the day you hit goal. Every single day, when trouble or stress strikes, I have to feel it, forgive it, breathe deep and release it instead of the way it used to be--don't feel it, bury it and pile a bunch of food on top of it. Some days are easier than others. The past couple of weeks actually have been rather taxing for me and I slipped back to my old habits. Lucky for me it was my husband who noticed I was not being as careful with my food choices and said something. He caught me with my trigger food--peanut butter. It's something I have to stay away from, so he knew something was up. And he was right. So I had to stop, re-center myself, ask for some extra strength from God, feel the feelings, breathe deep and make the conscious decision to plow through the emotions. Stupid jar of Jif. See? I'm feeling that emotion! = )

Whether you have weight to lose or not, if you have emotional baggage that you need to deal with, (and who doesn't?) there is a book that was a lifesaver for me during this process. It is called Beauty for Ashes: Receiving Emotional Healing by Joyce Meyer. She suffered abuse as a child and had major emotional baggage that she's dealt with, forgiven and moved on and shares how to do the same. Believe me, it will be the best $10 you'll ever spend. It'll change your life. It did mine. And if you are losing weight, whether it is 14 lbs or 240 lbs--ROCK ON!